Blueberry Scones

Before we get to the baked goods, allow me to share a little tidbit of my day with you. Because everyone deserves a laugh. 

Dan is on duty at the fire station every Monday night so I pick up Dexter from his house when I get off work and drop him off again Tuesday morning, since having a boyfriend in medical school is apparently much like having your own personal dog sitter.

6:10: Get to Dan's house to pick up Dexter. It took forever to get there since I stupidly took the interstate home and it was a parking lot. But at least I get a sweet parking spot right in front of the house.

6:11: Put key in lock and see Jager (Dan's dog) come bounding down the stairs toward the door. Hmm, why is he out of his cage? Is Dan still here? Did one of his roommates let him out, even though they know what destruction he can do in so little time?

6:12: Try to fend off Jager's advances. Spot the Hershey's chocolate wrapper and open bag of marshmallows on the floor. Shit. Not literally.

6:13: Take Jager out and try to call Dan. No answer.

6:15: Run into Dan's roommate and ask if he let Jager out of his cage. He didn't. Jager is Houdini and wished his way out.

6:17: Go upstairs and get Dexter who is quietly laying in his cage with the door shut and locked. Jager's cage door is wide open. Try to call Dan again. No answer.

6:18 Let Dexter outside to play with Jager who is running around like a wild man, fueled by all the sugar he has ingested. Finally get a hold of Dan.

Me- "Did you forget to lock Jager up? Because he's running around the house and ate chocolate and marshmallows. Too bad he didn't find the graham crackers or he could have made himself a s'more."

Dan- "Uh, no I thought I locked him up."

Me- "Well you didn't and now I'm afraid he's going to get sick, and since he's not wearing a collar, I can't get him up to your room"

Dan- "Huh."

Me- "OK BYE."

6:23: Ask Dan's roommate to take Jager out later in case he is sick. Dan's roommate agrees but doesn't think he'll be able to get Jager back in the cage since he is a problem child (Jager, not the roommate) and doesn't listen to anyone. And has no collar because he's hidden it somewhere. Hmm, starting to think he is actually a very smart dog. Call Dan again.

Me: "Ok, Will is going to take Jager out later, but he doesn't think he's going to be able to put him back in the cage."

Dan: "But I can't just have him running all over the house. That's not going to work. He should just leave him in the cage."

Me: "But what if he gets sick? You know what, fine, text Will and tell him to forget it."

6:30: Let Dexter and Jager back inside. Jager still seems fine and not sick, although very hyper. Try to coax him upstairs. Dexter sits at my feet, obeying all of my commands, wondering why I keep asking him to "COME" when he's right here.

6:32: Go upstairs and get Jager's leash. Make a loop through the handle so I can loop it around his neck for a makeshift collar like I've seen Dan do. Jager sees leash and immediately thinks we're going for a walk. Start to feel guilty that instead of the lovely walk he's anticipating, he's getting locked up in his cage. Loop leash around his neck and pull him up the stairs. Get him into the cage and LOCK the door, but leave the leash on so Dan's roommate can use it later to wrangle him since I really don't want him getting sick in his cage.

6:35: Finally leave Dan's house with Dexter and get into the car. Call Dan.

Me: "Ok, I left Jager in his cage, but I looped the leash around his neck and left it on so Will could use it later, that way he can still take him out."

Dan: "I don't know if I like that...What if he hangs himself?"

Me: "What?! How on earth would he do that? That's so ridiculous Dan."

Dan: "No, it's true! They say you're not even supposed to leave their collars on!"

Me: "Dan, how the hell would he hang himself? What would he hang himself on inside his cage?"

Dan: "The cage itself."

Me: "Are you kidding? He would have to be the smartest dog in the world to do that."
Dan: "No, seriously, he's going to hang himself!"
Me: "He would have to loop his leash multiple times through the multiple wire holes in his cage to even get close to strangling himself, and even then, there's no way he would succeed. If anything, he would just restrict his own movement."

Dan: "Fine, but if my dog is dead in the morning, I'm blaming you."

Me: "Well if you had locked his cage properly in the first place, this wouldn't even be an issue, but fine, tell Will he can remove the NOOSE from around his neck."

The next morning I returned to Dan's house to drop off Dexter and see what kind of damage Jager had done throughout the night. Of course, he was perfectly fine, had not gotten sick, and was still breathing. His leash was lying beside him in his cage so either Dan's roommate removed it but for some reason left it in his cage, or Jager continues to be do amazing things even though he lacks opposable thumbs.

And now, after that long interlude, for those of you who stuck around, on to the scones! I was somewhat skeptical when I first read this recipe because she adds raisins to the dough. Or, excuse me she adds sultanas, sort of like when she adds treacle (molasses) or tells me to wrap something in cling film. Silly Brits; not only do I constantly have to refer to the little dictionary of translations in the front of the book, but she also uses these things (golden raisins and molasses) in everything. Ok, I'm exaggerating, but she uses them a lot. And at first, I thought I would give her the benefit of the doubt since, you know, she was a pastry instructor at Le Cordon Bleu in France and now works at one of the best restaurants in the country. She probably knows what she's doing. What she doesn't know apparently is that I can't find golden raisins anywhere. I can find regular brown raisins, but apparently, those aren't good enough. Sort of like the regular (cheap) sugar that is below us as well. So as I'm standing in the store staring at all the raisins, I decide to just substitute instead. I had some leftover dark chocolate from the brownies, but really thought blueberries would be great. The package of dried blueberries caught my eye, but I really didn't want to end up with dry little dehydrated blueberries in my otherwise perfectly delicious scones. So I got some really great looking, plump blueberries and went on my merry way.

When I got home, I was reviewing the recipe, getting all my ingredients and equipment ready. Ok, let's see here. Mix, mix, add, right ok. Stir in the...and then...oh. Uh oh.

"turn out on to a lightly floured surface and knead gently"

I didn't realize I would have to knead the dough, since I sort of forgot that dough for scones so closely resembles thick biscuit dough. And after all the kneading, there was rolling. Kneading and rolling those big fat blueberries. This could be a problem. Images of bright purple dough flashed before my eyes and I thought about switching to chocolate, but decided the potentially great results outweighed the costs. If I ended up with purple dough, maybe the scones would taste even more like blueberry, right? Right??

Hokay so. The ingredients:

flour, baking powder, salt, butter (not pictured), blueberries masquerading as sultanas, heavy cream, milk, sugar, eggs (also not pictured)

First, I sifted the flour, baking, powder and salt into a bowl.

I added the diced butter, and used my hands to rub it into the flour mixture until "it was no longer visible."

Nope, can't see any butter. Probably because I just covered it with all the flour.

I added the blueberries and mixed gently, still using my hands. I mixed the milk and cream together, and also added this to the mixture, stirring gently with a wooden spoon, trying desperately not to burst any of the blueberries.

At this point, the recipe says to turn the dough onto a lightly floured surface and knead, but it was also at this point that I realized the caster sugar was still sitting on the counter. I read and re-read the recipe but there were no instructions to add it. Given how dense and biscuit-like scones are, I really thought I should add the sugar, to give them some much needed sweetness. Sugar is the last item in the ingredient list, which is usually organized in the order in which you use each ingredient. So, right before I turned the dough out onto the counter, I added the sugar and mixed the thick dough as best I could.  I dumped it out onto the counter and kneaded gently. The dough was extremely dry and crumbly and I had sudden feelings of hopelessness that this crap would never form the "smooth, soft dough" it was supposed to. Not to mention, I was also trying not to crush the blueberries, which hadn't incorporated into the dough all that well. Finally, I came to a point when the dough was mostly sticking together and decided I was done.

Smooth? Soft? or Dry! and Crumbly! Hmmm

I wrapped the dough in plastic wrap and chilled it in the fridge for an hour, after which I preheated the oven and prepared the egg wash. I combined an egg, an egg yolk, and some salt and then put the mixture through a fine sieve, and put it aside.

Although I was dreading it, I began to roll the dough, trying not to press too hard. It was still pretty dry and not a breeze to roll out. Some of the berries did break, but surprisingly, most stayed intact. Apparently these were super berries. I rolled the dough to about 3/4 of an inch thick, a little thinner than the 1 inch the recipe describes, basically just because I have no concept of measurements and really need a tape measure.

Attractive, what with all the seeds and smushed blueberries.

I was supposed to use a 2 inch cutter, which of course I didn't have. Silly me, I sort of assumed this would be the size of the top of a drinking glass. Which is actually about 5 inches. Whoops. So, while the dough chilled I did some research and looked around for something that was about 2 inches in diameter so that I had a good estimate. I used a knife to make my rounds, which were closer to about 3 1/2 inches in diameter, so I ended up with 12 instead of 16 scones. At this point, I was frustrated and not optimistic.

I put all of the scones on a lined baking sheet, turned them over as the recipe says this will help them rise more evenly, and brushed them with the egg wash.

The scones were in the oven for about 10 minutes when I took one out and broke it open to check the doneness. It was still gummy and the tops weren't yet brown, so I left them in for another 3 minutes. At that point, I tested again and they were done.  The scone pictured in the book has a bright orange top, which at first, I thought was some sort of jam, until I realized it was actually the crispy top of the biscuit. Mine didn't look anything like that, but they still looked pretty good.

It looked a lot more golden and a lot less jaundiced in real life.

Dan said these were the best scones he had ever had. I'm not sure I agree with him (I still remember these blueberry scones my friend's aunt made when I was 13 and we visited her in Albany. She sent them with us on the plane home and they were amazing), but they were very good, and I was really happy I had used the blueberries. They were dense and biscuit-like, as scones should be, but I thought they were actually a little too dense. The juicy berries added a needed lightness and sweetness to the thick scones, and next time I may add some sugar to the top for an even sweeter touch, or serve them toasted with some butter or sweet jelly.

Later, I gave Dexter a bath.

 He was THRILLED.

*Cue that unbearable abused animal commercial music...now*

Next Indulgence: Oatmeal, [pecan] and Raisin Cookies, Wedding Fingers, and Goober Cookies

Oh, also, I found my whisk attachment for my mixer. It was in a drawer in the kitchen. I know, shocking right? Imagine that. I think I can actually feel my mother flashing back to all those times when in the midst of a crying, wailing, screaming fit because I couldn't find my favorite shirt or keys or some other absolutely essential item that was GONE FOREVER but I needed RIGHT NOW, and can you feel the hysterics starting to build, when oh...

here it is.

Cue sheepish laughter now, and that face my mother always gives me at these moments that seems to say "I will smother you with that T-shirt if you ever do this to me again." Love you, Mom!

Chocolate Fudge Brownies

Thanks to all of you who commented on my last post. Of course, I am delusion and still believe that there are other readers out there who are just too shy to comment, and that's ok. But at least I know I have at least 5 readers, and that's more than enough for me. And I say 5 because I know my mom does read my blog, it just usually takes her a while to catch up with my new posts. Right, Mom? Right???

So after I posted this, I came home from work to a spotless house. I mean SPOTLESS. Cleaner than I had ever seen it before. Yes, even the kitchen. Clean doesn't even begin to cover it. I mean, there was always a lot of clutter everywhere and now it's just GONE. I don't think any of my roommates read my blog, but maybe I'm wrong. And maybe I should write about how disgusting the house is more often. Or maybe they'll kill me in my sleep.

Anyway, I was praying it would stay that clean at least until Saturday so I could actually get some cooking done, because that would be FANTASTIC. I felt like putting signs everywhere about how CLEAN everything was and how GREAT that was, so people would maybe get the hint and not mess it all up in the span of 12 hours, as they are wont to do. I managed to restrain myself however and just hoped for the best. Guess what it looked like on Saturday.

No, really, guess.

I can tell you're not guessing and are just scrolling down to figure it out so fine, here you go:

FREAKING FANTASTIC

And since my kitchen (and whole house) looked so great, I was finally in the mood to do some baking. And after such a long hiatus, there was only one thing I wanted: chocolate.

So, let's get started. First, the ingredients for the Chocolate Fudge Brownies:

 Dark chocolate, eggs, vanilla, dark brown sugar, flour, baking powder, salt, butter 

Ever wonder what 7 ounces of butter looks like?

 Yeah, neither did I

All the dry measurements in this cookbook are by weight, which is really a much more exact method of measuring, which is so important when baking. I really like the precision, and am tempted to start weighing all of my food. However, I feel like that would quickly turn into an obsession, not so much in terms of restriction, but more in terms of curiosity. So this is 7 ounces of butter? How much cheeseburger could I eat to equal the same 7 ounces. What about Jell-O? And then hellllooo stomachache.

Anyway. I melted the butter, and then divided the chocolate in half, melting half and chopping the other half into small(ish) pieces.

I combined the brown sugar (what! 280 grams!?! Do you have any idea what 280 grams of sugar looks like?!), eggs, and vanilla in the bowl of my mixer, and "whisked" (aka used the paddle attachment since I still can't find my whisk, dammit. I know I have it somewhere, Mom! I KNOW!) them until they were pale and doubled in volume.

This didn't really look like it had doubled in volume to me, but the mixer had been on for at least five minutes, and I just didn't think I was going to get much of a change. At least it was pale. I sifted the dry ingredients together and folded them into the sugar mixture.

I combined the melted butter and melted chocolate and folded this mixture into the batter as well.

Lastly, I folded in the chocolate chunks.

The recipe also calls for pecans, but I don't like nuts in my chocolate, so I left them out. Because I can.

The batter was very thick, and lighter in color than your traditional brownie batter, so CLEARLY, I needed to taste test it. What really came through wasn't the chocolate; it was the brown sugar. It actually really reminded me of chocolate chip cookie dough which is so rich in brown sugar. I poured the batter into a prepared pan, smoothed it out, and placed it in the oven.

The recipe calls for using an 8x12 inch pan, and I think we all know given my history of looking for the correct baking dishes, that all I had was a 9x13 pan. Super. I figured that given the shallower pan, the brownies would just take a little less time to bake, and the recipe specifically notes not to overbake these to ensure optimal gooeyness (OK, so she doesn't say gooeyness, but that is the technical term). I timed the brownies for 15 minutes (the recipe says they'll take 20-22) and waited. When the timer went off, I was all ready with my toothpick, but it was completely unnecessary; the brownies were basically still just batter with a crunchy edge. 20 minutes, no change. 25 minutes, getting there, but still not cooked. I was beginning to think this was going to be the never ending recipe, but at 30 minutes I finally tested them with a toothpick with just a few wet crumbs sticking to it. At 33 minutes they were finally done.

Finally!

Definitely the most unconventional thing about this recipe was all the brown sugar; I had never seen a brownie recipe that used so much before. These were light and cakey, but surprisingly the chocolate didn't really punch me in the face like I wanted it to. Ok, a little masochistic, but I think you get the point. I wasn't sure how I felt about them at first. They were good, but not great. Adding chocolate ice cream helped.

What really improved the taste and texture was time. The next day, these were even better. Denser, and the chocolate flavor had really intensified, but they still somehow kept a light, moist, and tender quality about them.

I brought half of these into work to share with my office, and one of my co-workers, who doesn't have a huge sweet tooth (I know, I know, but don't judge her. She has other good qualities) said they were the most chocolatey, fudgey brownies she'd ever had. Ha, amateur. Dan, on the other hand, wanted even more chocolate, so next time, I may add more chocolate chunks or use more melted chocolate so the batter itself is more chocolatey.

Next Indulgence: Scones

Airing out my Dirty Dishes

So I get this new cookbook and go on and on about how great it's going to be cooking all these delicious desserts, and how much more interesting this whole process is going to be from now on.

And then I disappear.

I know, I know, I'm a terrible blogger. And everyday I think about this site and wonder if people are checking it, wondering where the hell I went and thinking about what a slack blogger I am. I started this whole thing to give me something to do in my free time, something that would be challenging but also fulfilling, and now it's become something that is sort of stressful. Not because I don't have the time or don't want to cook and blog about it, but because this

is what my kitchen perpetually looks like. And that's only the sink. I know I always say this, but whoever decided women were just natural born cleaners has clearly never lived with four women. I walk in and see the pile of dishes and our counters so covered with crap that I don't even have enough room to make a sandwich, and I start to itch and wring my hands, and hold my head, until I just have to leave the room. I live with 3 other girls and even though we have a dishwasher, the pots and pans just keep piling up. Don't get me wrong, I do my part to load and unload the dishwasher whenever I can, and make sure to always clean my dishes immediately after I'm finished with them. But there's only so much one person can do.

Oddly though, my roommates will go through random clean sweeps, thoroughly cleaning just one area of the house. For example, the other day, someone cleaned the bathroom so thoroughly I actually felt like I could walk around in it barefoot and didn't want to gag when looking into our sink. Or, someone will sweep and vacuum the front hall so that it doesn't look like a herd of wild boars just went barreling through.

The other night one of the girls was making dinner for a friend, so she went about cleaning the kitchen. Yay! I thought. Finally, the sink will be empty again and we won't be in danger of being condemned by the city's department of health. I walked into the kitchen to make some dinner, and I am greeted with the smell of lemony cleaning product. I start to get excited, see the counter has been completely wiped clean and notice our kitchen stools are resting on it upside down. She must be getting ready to sweep or mop the floor. But then I notice that the lemony smell is coming from the can of Pledge she is using. To polish our wooden stools. Our $8, pieces of crap wooden stools. I look to my right and lo and behold the sink is still full of dirty dishes. Seriously?

It's sort of like the time someone cleaned and disinfected the kitchen sink. What about all those dirty dishes you may ask? Oh, no problem, I'll just put them over here on the counter, out of the way. And then leave them there. For days. Meanwhile, the sink is clean enough to eat out of. Perfect! We'll just skip the dishes all together.

Before I realized I would have to climb over this mountain of dirty dishes in order to reach the oven, and was planning on actually cooking and posting something real, I was going to ask all of you lurkers out there to DELURK! and leave me a comment. You see, there are a few blogs, both food and non-food related, that I read obsessively. But typically, I only stumble upon said blogs after numerous posts have already been published. So what I do is sit at my computer and devour months, or sometimes years worth of material in just a few settings. As the number of unread postings dwindle, I start to get anxious that I won't be able to support my habit because I'll have to start relying on the writer to post new material, which I'll be forced to read at a painfully slow pace. But since I typically read blogs that are already well into their prime, I very rarely post comments, mostly because the writer is not going to read a comment on a post that is 2 years old. This habit carries over even into present day, and I staunchly refuse to comment on any of the blogs I read, even when I think I have really witty and funny things to contribute. Which is always, clearly.

I have no idea why I am like this, but I suspect there are others like me out there, some of which (hopefully) read my blog. So, I invite all you silent but nonetheless obsessive readers to post a comment, just a quick hello to let me know that you're out there, that you missed me, or that you're sick and tired of waiting for another post, dammit!

Thinking about it now, this post may not be the best one to ask you to do that on, considering I've probably lost half, if not all of my readers by now, being the delinquent blogger I am. I also realize this opens me up to the possibility that no one will comment, meaning no one actually *is* reading this blog. And if that happens, fine. I'll deal with it, will probably cry a little inside, and then through a thick fog of denial, decide that it's just because I haven't updated in so long. Or that you all just don't take direction well. Either way, I think I'm covered.

Anyway, I'll be back cooking when being in my kitchen doesn't make me want to claw my eyeballs out.